The Top 5 Ways to Screw Up Your Back

March 6, 2014

This is your definitive guide to how to royally screw up your back. Far too often we share all sorts of tips and strategies to avoiding and fixing pain but today we aren't going to do that. I figured we would shake things up a bit and give you a list of things you can do that will almost guarantee you a miserable experience with your back and if you're really lucky get you a visit with the surgeon.

Tip #1.  Sit for a LONG Time Without Taking a Single Break! (Computer nerds will LOVE this one)

Your spine absolutely hates seated positions for extended periods of time. So, if you really want to mess your back up, sit, preferably in a slouched posture for a few hours without getting up to take a break. Over time you will feel the incredible effects of stiffness, soreness, and of course pain setting in.

Tip #2.  Lift Heavy Stuff With Combined Movements!

Proper lifting techniques are for sissies who don't want to experience the thrill of numbness and electrical pain radiating down the back of your leg! So, if you are a real overachiever when it comes to back pain, be sure to combine movements while lifting. What do I mean with combining movements? Just be sloppy and don't use any proper lifting technique that should do the trick. Your spine (and especially your intervertebral discs) is extremely susceptible to injury when you combine flexion/extension with rotational movements. You see this sort of pattern with people who get in a hurry and fail to use proper mechanics in an effort to shortcut the work. You will most definitely shave off about 10 seconds off the time it takes to finish the project, but you may just win the grand prize of a full blown herniated disc.

Tip #3.  Listen to Doctors When They Say "Bed Rest Will Help Your Back Pain"

Since we know that our spines (as well as our bodies) were designed to move, and that movement in fact heals the spine, it should make perfect sense that limiting movement though something like bed rest is the perfect recipe for creating a beautifully stiff and immobile spine. Be sure to really bed rest though, none of this laying down for a few minutes and then getting up and moving stuff, no!  Bed rest means lying down for extended periods of time (preferably convincing yourself that you are completely disabled and incapable of helping yourself).  You want to make sure that you spend enough time in these immobilized positions to ensure movement becomes virtually impossible.

Tip #4.  Listen to Doctors When They Say "Back Pain is Self-Limiting"

You read that right.  Back pain will just go away.  You've been hearing doctors and others say this for years in spite of mountains of scientific literature stating otherwise.  Back pain isn't a big deal (except for that tiny detail of it costing our nation a cool 100 billion dollars per year). So, yeah, just ignore it.  Don't worry about the fact that it will more than likely persist and get worse. If you keep this up you'll be on your way to joining the ranks of a select group of millions of Americans who have experienced the sheer joy of back surgery....And if you're really lucky, you might just get hooked on some pain medications as an added bonus!

Tip #5.  Whatever You Do, Don't See Chiropractors

Ignore all of the research overwhelmingly showing the effectiveness and safety of spinal manipulation for back pain.  Ignore the fact that Chiropractors consistently rank the highest among patients in overall satisfaction for back pain relief. Remember, this article is about how to make your back worse, not better!

Obviously this article should be taken in the proper context. For those who can't sense the intense sarcasm, I really don't want people to screw their backs up. I really don't want people to avoid seeing the chiropractor. Unfortunately, these are 5 of the most common reasons why low back pain is such a big problem. So, hopefully this serves as a good reminder next time you find yourself in one of these scenarios mentioned above.

 

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Chad Woolner
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